Sunday, March 29, 2009

Why do men hate going to church?

I'm reading Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow. Everybody knows that more women go to church than women, but why?

Murrow says that men like challenge and taking risks, but Christians have made church a place of nurturing and building relationships. Interesting. I wonder what others think about this.

What's your observation? Why do fewer men go to church than women?

Murrow says that there are three gender gaps in the church: the gap of presence, the gap of participation, and the gap of personality.

The Gap of Presence: He says that in the USA, 61% of the church attendees are women, but only 39% are men. This trend is also found in other nations around the world. Interestingly, nondenominational churches had the smallest gap, while the biggest gap was found in Episcopal Churches.

The Gap of Participation: He says that women are 57% more likely to participate in Sunday School, and 33% more likely to volunteer for a church than men. Christian book sales are 75% to women, and the Christian radio audience is 63% female.

The Gap of Personality: He says that while 62% of the general population has a passive personality, 85% of Christians have passive personalities. There are greater numbers of artistic and homosexual men in church than the general population, but lower numbers of what he calls "risk takers, fun lovers and dangerous men."

NOTE: I posted this same question on my blog at, and it has received over 2,000 reads and over 100 comments. Check it out and read the discussion. I posted it here.

UPDATE AFTER 100 COMMENTS: Now that this blog has had over 100 comments (on and nearly 2,000 reads in just over a week, I thought it would be helpful to do an analysis of trends in the comments (below). As I read between the lines of what people are saying, here are the top reasons they are giving for why many men hate going to church:

1) Failure to let men lead. This may be controversial, but it was the most-often mentioned reason below, both from men and women who commented. Many blamed women who would not let men be leaders in church, others, especially men, blamed the men for not taking their leadership role.

2) Overemphasis on relationships. Women are social beings and love relationships; men not so much. It is interesting that this was the most common answer given by women who shared why their husbands did not come, but it was also mentioned by several men. Telling men they need a "personal relationship" with Jesus and "fall in love with Jesus" does not appeal to men.

3) Overemphasis on sensitivity. "Gentle Jesus, meek and mild" and "sharing what's on your heart" makes a man feel like he is stripped of his masculinity.

4) Not enough action. Men want to be active, they don't want to just sit and listen to a long sermon. They want to do things.

5) Men lack spirituality. Several commenters, mostly men, seeme to blame men for lacking spirituality.

6) Need a challenge. This answer came almost exclusively from men. Several men mentioned that men need to be challenged.

7) Music is too feminine. This was another answer given by men themselves. They feel that too many songs are about "loving Jesus" in ways that are very feminine and the lyrics are words men would never say to another man.

So what do you think? You can comment here, on go over to and find the blog and join the conversation over there.

1 comment:

Clifford Randles said...

Very interesting question.

I believe that men are more apt to be leery of the so called gentleness of jesus, in fact there were times when Jesus was not quite so gentle at all, if he was as betrayed by many people he could not have drove the money changers out of the temple even with a whip.

I don,t know if I think as other men do on a lot of this but if I go to church, the king James version of the Bible is the only one I will listen to for very long, I doubt if that has anything to do with women but probably the younger generation instead.

The scriptures tell us that the woman and not the man was decieved by the serpent meaning that she can be more easily deceived, so it tells us that the woman should not preach or teach.
However it doe,s tell the older women to teach the younger how to raise and take care of thier family.

If I go to church it is not to socialize, although I do that in the process, I go to church to hear the word of God, the truth, read directly from (preferably) the king James Bible, if it condems me and it probably will then that is what i need.

I do not need some one to start talking about my relationship with my savior because we are all in our own little world where our salvation is concerned.

I do not believe in judging any one
thats why I would not like to be on a jury, however I do not think that telling the truth just as the bible says it or reading a scripture is judging any one.

I believe in loving my enemy, in other words I would probably pull a communist or a socialist out of the ditch or feed them as quick as I would anyone else.

I do not go to church to hear how deserving I am because if i get what i deserve i will go to hell where ever that is, maybe its just the hell we make for ourselves in this life, i don,t know,

and yes there are some womanish men in the churches and as far as I am concerned that is not what the Bible means when it is talking about meekness.

The bible tells us that in the last days that men will become as womem so i think that God expects men to be men and women to be women.

Just one last thing on what Jesus may have been like.

I think it was nathanial that heard some one say that jesus had
just arrived from nazarith, and he made a comment , what good thing could come out of nazarith? and when he saw him he seen that he was good.

I think it is evident that at that time none of the apostals were anymore spiretual than we are, what he saw was with his eyes.

What he seen did not look like a nazarite but just looked like a good man, first impression.

and yes I would much rather sing songs like old rugged cross or from the manjor to the cross, or the great speckled bird.

Well i have probably made a longer comment than any body wants to read so God Bless and lets try and stay on the road.