"Al-Jazeera has learned that Alabama has reached the brink of Civil War late this week, after terrorists attacked 10 holy shrines called 'churches,' belonging to a majority Christian sect in Alabama known as Baptists, believed to be at odds with the minority sect called Methodists.
Although it is not known if Methodists are responsible for the attacks, the fact that the terrorist firebombers skipped over Methodist churches has caused enraged Baptists to roam through the rural landscape with pick-up trucks and shotguns, shooting Methodists indiscriminately. Methodists have returned fire at any cars with bumper stickers that say, 'Follow Me to Sunday School.' Passions were further enraged when a Birmingham newspaper printed political cartoons of 'Bubba the Baptist' holding a shotgun and a Bible. Furious Sunday School classes have marched on the state capital in Montgomery, shouting "Death to the Methodists!" Alabama's governor has called for Baptist and Methodist clerics to call on their parishioners to cease fire, before Birmingham becomes 'Burning Ham.'"
The fact that the above story is instantly recognizable as ludicrous fiction should help us identify the true religion of peace.